MADISON thing

My Mother is Truly of a Negative Nature:

*WARNING* EXTREMELY NEGATIVE "mother" BASHING!

Times haven't changed, they never will, and I truly mean NEVER!

My mother will never change, either. Why is there a seeming reluctance towards everything I do around her, EVERY god damn thing I do, she is against, she tears me apart into little pieces, paints a portrait of despair, and abuses my logical standpoint.

I should read "Children of Abusive Parents." Or "Children of the Abused!"

She is disgusted with everything I do, and I am disgusted with everything she does. We have tried to salvage our relationship, but the dynamics never work, they become elusive. She ignores the fact that I even exist, and she feels the need to use me as a household slave. Just think, Cinderella. She accuses me of being "Lazy" and sure I am, "coughs with slight disparity." She has no self worth, and hates "me" as and individual. But what? WHAT??? What can I possibly do to make us compatible, to make us react positively together, even the smallest thing (without words or actions) becomes hell, it becomes a labyrinth of wrenching pain and stress!  "She is truly of a negative nature." She is my mother, and I do show her respect, but she is blind! BLIND, to anything I do with positive connotations, she feeds of my insecurities, and she feeds off if anything I do negatively!

"A sudden wave of stress comes over my entire body!"

Whenever I hear her voice, a sudden wave of stress comes over my entire body! I become nauseous and tend to cry uncontrollably. It hurts me; it stresses me out, every little thing she does back-fires. And yes I am to blame; this entire dilemma is on my behalf. I am truly the child of Satan, (in her eyes!) I have always been negative towards her, we are like polar opposites, she embodies the positive, of course!? I hope!? It is even proven that Gemini's (me) and Virgo's (her) are not compatible! And we are not, we simply bite at each other's spines!

"May something have salvage over her soul, that is all I ask!"

♥ MADISONthing 2009

  

To watch this sort of "amigious insectile sexuality" gives us hope for evolving our

"meat sack sex life!"

Some would call it "untasteful" "Wrong" but it is completely natural, sure it is a bit bizzare........but "people" really need to loosen up, feel the vibrations of cosmic love and divine male & female shakti!

 I would call pure affection, the bizzare sexual behavior of insects, aquatic fish, etc. Is to this day, one of the most amazing things I have ever stumbled upon, God has quite the sense of humor..........

It is extremely tasteful, operated with a twisted eye for artistic ability and freshness, construction paper sets, sarcasm, the whole scheme of creativity.......sheer amazement! These videos actually depict the true nature (biology) of insectile mating habits. =]

Here's an example of Isabella Rossellini's work, "The Mating Habits of a  Male Spider!"......

 Anyways, go check these videos out!!!! They're aired on the Sundance Channel........

[Click Here.]

 

Hmmm, what to say about Disco Bloodbath, an inebriating hot bed of drugs and colorful faces.

It is quite the horror tale of murder in ClubLand. Author James St. James, brings us into the "fabulous" world of the 90's club scene! I have read it only one time, I am currently letting a friend borrow the book. While reading, I felt a sense of lucidity, of well-being.....I am not sure why I felt so spiritual when reading this book, I guess it is because I feel so deeply in love with the characters, the drugs, Michael Alig, James, Mavis & Freeze, JennyTalia, etc. That the whole story/ plot grew on me like a cancer, desperately pulling me into the psychotic rage.

What an interesting, orgiastic, colorful club scene in Manhhatan. Filled with crazed spirits, appearing on the Geraldo show, unintelligable perhaps, but in my eyes, it was an all-night party escapade, a creative out-burst craving attention! The introduction of the book, wildly throws you in the crime (plot), where you read Freeze's letter about the murder of Angel Melendez. James St. James brilliantly writes about the uprising scene of the club kids, oh those little club kids......=] He takes into the world of Out-Law parties at McDonalds & at Donut Shoppes, Semi-Truck bashes! Also, takes us back to the nightclub(s) "Limelight" and "The Tunnel", Where James describes the social heiarchy of nightclubbing.....then out of the blue James introduces us to Michael Alig. There's no need to explain!

Michael Alig eventually becomes Jame's roomate, with others of course. James, often protrays his drug-fueled nights, and drug binges........there's a great part in the book that explains James addiction to Special K,  and how he falls into a downward spiral of binges and over-excessive "Love Affair w/ the Drug." The Special K Diaries are extremely interesting, fantastically well written, and so fucking scary!! Well, let's just say if your interested in this, fasten your seat belt, that is all that needs to be said!

More coming soon,  I am currently at the Apple Store, and the employes! Well you know. =]

♥ MADISONthing

Adolescence + Imagination + Philosophical insight = "Hellish Reality!" (sadly, but oh so truly!)

Do you ever find yourself, stuck in a world filled with daze, and of course stuck with the guttural feeling of uncertainty? Well, I can't prescribe you with anything, Zoloft leaves you feeling wet and foggy. Prozac, needs a new name. Celexa is bound to evil thoughts. Vicodin, is a muscle relaxer/pain reliever.

~MEDDDSSS.................~

Is it the feeling of being broken into small fragments, of despair and mental agony. Trying hard to find your place in the scheme of things; in the world of "Social" interaction, and "Social" distraction. Yes, I understand the wicked negativity that goes into these thoughts and writings of mine.

If you are not fond of this mental desperation, and agonizing pain we have christened, "TRUTH"............ Then, I, as a person with-out boundary, suggest that you neatly look away, and "put on your face of shame". For what is about to be expelled is pure thought, without the nascent morality of current time. With the intriguing outlook of mystical practicality. None of this makes any apparent sense, to the ones "trapped" in the innocent display of life, the innocent display of illusion and the practicality, of TIME!

Yes, I have the fondest most sensitive understanding of observing people, their actions, their predictability, their political vestments and grandiose schemes. Yes my writing has the distinct touch of a "Mad-Man" turned backwards, with schizophrenic definition! But, this is me, this is the person I have created, molded, and obfuscated.......and "cheers" to the people that can actually understand whatever I put in text, for they have crossed many confused paths, stepped on the shoes of their holy patronage, slobbered on the New Testament in a state of pathetic confusion.

Mixing words, and allotting time, have been my areas of interest. The state of confusion, and repudiating social status.....and when I speak of "Social Status", I speak of human interaction, social activities such as; Talking, Observing, Being Alive, Being Sick, Feeling Mental, Having thoughts, Digesting Food. All these supposed philosophical terms of a seemingly deteriorated sense of time and being.

Now that that is finished: Thoughts on Observing.............

What I have stated above is pure "Abstraction" with no seeming cause, obfuscation, the purest form of Schizophrenic Thought, and action.

As, I willingly observe the people, things of space, things of reality. I find comparisons in many people, these "comparisons" are of a negative discourse. I am compassionate towards humanity, but humanity places me in "Earthy-Bound Hell", in other words (Hell on Earth), or "slipping away" as others might put it. They place me in an area of hopelessness, of negativity, quite familiar to the smell and taste of trash! They place me in this "AREA" because I have chosen a path of desperation, of homosexual behavior, and of spiritual enlightenment. I remember my teacher saying towards, god knows what? That I should keep moving, that by standing/sitting still I was creating a pause in time and reality! (That is how fucked up my thoughts are.), and yes, YES, YES, YES, i do blame some of these ideas on Drug-Use.......?!!Figure that one out!!? "I have chosen this path because it is the most comfortable for me, at least in my standards of what is right and wrong." As Shakespeare put it, nothing is really good or bad, thinking makes it so. I take that quotation to heart, because it gives me HOPE, another "Idea/Concept" I would like to discuss at another point of time. But, in the meantime, let's discuss "OBSERVATION."

                                       

_________________________________________________________

I am seated in a public space, wandering about, delirious of any "thing". Watching the people stroll by, hand-and-hand with their children. I observe their actions, the fluidity of speech, and the chatter of vocal cords. I observe the intimate disguise of sexual tension, the look of insight as well as confusion. I see the pain in the "people with no place", I see the scars of mankind, I see the negativity that envelopes us all, that chains us as we walk anticipating freedom. I become afraid of reality, and suddenly have the perception of a child "Lost, and pleading for attention!" "We all have eyes" I told myself, while observing, and becoming alienated from society and being. Maybe, just maybe, this whole entire concept of "us" of "me", are of an illusory menace, a god with no morale. Contemplating reality; sitting in a cross-legged position atop a bench, my eyes and body felt suffocated, naked, and touched.

Everywhere I find myself, at any place, at any time. People seem confided by my presence, Insulted by my shocking appearance and different world-view. Although, everywhere I set my foot upon; there seems to be a feeling of synchronicity, of utter familiarity, as if I have lived this life before. In another world, in the past, dreaded and thrown-away. There are times where I feel ascended or descended into realms where current affairs are reversed, where people spit upon you, and treat you with a tenderness, that is un-heard of to most people, a tenderness of un-purity.

This observation is all, very human, it is a common trait throughout man. To question reality to create philosophy to create and mold things that seem,
"wrong", pubescent even. Maybe these are the thoughts of adolescence. The thoughts that are fragmented, shattered, why do I even bother on writing my thoughts if they stupefy people. I write these thoughts down because, I want to record, I want people to understand the realm/ dimension in which I have situated myself in.
Observation is cruel. And it will always be that way.
______________________________________________________________


I could possibly write down more, but I have become uneasy, tense............like always. The feeling of being tense, shrouds my sense of judgment, breaks open the adolescent mindscape. A sad, dirty, confused place to be, a Multi-Hued place of error, and comic relief. That's the word, comic-relief.

That word or phrase, Idea or Concept, thankfully sums all this damn misery up............The tension between adulthood, observation, and adolescence......all deserves to be awarded with comic relief.

adolescence + imagination + philosophical insight = "Hellish Reality!" (sadly, but oh so truly!)

And "That" is all I have to say.

♥ MADISONthing May 4th, 2009.

 

Here are some of my current thoughts/ordeals. On the Modes of Alienation, as well as the modes of delusional.

Well first off, alienation in "Dictionary" defintion:

1. the act of alienating.
2. the state of being alienated.
3. Law. a transfer of the title to property by one person to another; conveyance.
4. the state of being withdrawn or isolated from the objective world, as through indifference or disaffection.
5. Statistics. the lack of correlation in the variation of two measurable variates over a population.

Sadly, but fucking truly. These "IDEA's" of alienation have taken hold of my life. It is extremely difficult to deal with. Here are some examples of my mental illness! As I walk down the streets, the corridors of high school, and everywhere else I set my foot upon. There seems to be an uneasy, uncomforatble look on people's faces.....

the look of agitation, of mental aberition.

The look of "WHAT THE HELL!" And yes, yes, they have the right to be disturbed....I draw this attention to myself, I mean I want to draw this attention to myself! Well I just saw someone right now in the library, take part in this alienation. I noticed the fear in people's eyes, as this "Beautiful Person" entered the room, and put on her facade.

Well what I am really trying to say is that.....these modes of heart-felt alienation are alive and well. People, any type, any-thing perhaps! Share a common deficit. An affliction they must have never felt....all the outcasts, the shadows, the freaks. We all feel this way, because the societal-image hasn't cut us out right.

This apocalyptic media has not taking hold of us in there tragic yet elegant spell, to try to reverse us into some kind of image. I will forever stand against this propaganda, "SOCIETY", and hope for better/clearer days, the right consciousness. I will never know how I fell into this seething pool of hot & sour "Alienation." But forever will I be deduced to something other-than normal in the eyes of "Family", "Society", and "Life." God save me.....o_o

These are some thoughts on "Alienation!"

MADISONthing 2009

No more laws.

No more morale.

No more gender.

No more Orientation.

No more hatred.

No more empathy.

No more love.

No more emotion.

No more society.

No more words.

No more mother.

Just this. 21st century.

Comment me some more of "your" thoughts.... Starting it off with "No More....." MADISONthing 2009

Comment Here!

 

 

 

 

"Even the right thing becomes wrong in the right hands, the contrary is also true." Egyptian Saying.

2009 MADISONthing

A series of Hacked Accounts

Unfortunately, My buzznet, Myspace, Youtube, and my yahoo email were all hacked. Depleting my social status on the internet. I found out who did it and it amazed me, Loves Prada, He is in some of my videos. I thought he liked me as a friend and I did too, But i was wrong, very wrong! So i have been working to draw conclusions of how they found out my password and email address. One morning i didn't have my laptop and decided to call my friend Ashley, to check my myspace.

Loves Prada wich is Noah was going to sleep over that day. Ashley forgot to delete the browsing history and forms. So Noah Found my email address and automatically the password comes up on the form. I was so enraged, He Fooled around with my Band Profile, and deleted my personal profile. Then I found out he deleted all my pictures and videos, fooled around with my profile, he also deleted over 300 friends, all on my buzznet account.

I was angry and pissed, but i just said f*ck it, and i contacted buzznet to give me the password that noah changed, they contacted me. And I am awaiting an email from youtube.! For myspace, i just had to make a new personal page.....

HEre are all the official links, also on my links page on buzznet.

http://myspace.com/madisonthingg

http:/madisonthing.buzznet.com

http:/vampirefreaks.com/_SAINT_

Thanks for caring MADISON Official Journal: 2007

So this morning i wake up, thinking it is going to be any normal day. Then out of curiosity my cell phone rings. It is my father, he decided to search his name on myspace, for some unfamiliar reason, and finds my band page ( i am a JR, so we have the same name ). Anyways, he gets very upset and fustrated because i had pictures of me and my real name was on there, so on so fourth! And then he tells me to delete, or else he would torment me.

He said the most ugly things to me and all of sudden he said that i am stupid, stupid for putting all my information and music on there! He said what kind of people want to listen to this shit ( I almost wept ). Yup, so that is the way i ended up spending my morning. I had to delete every trace of my band profile....weep! But i will put it back up, i will just try to be more sneeky!!!! ; )

After that monstrosity i decided to go down to the forest and meditate, to cure my symptoms.

MADISON: official journal 2007

   Ok so let us get things straight I am of the male species....yeah, lick me! I am new to buzznet, and i love pic comments. I am a recording artist with my own lable....Madison Ltd. If your at all interested in my music...visit this page http://myspace.com/madisonthing .....I have many other pages VampireFreaks,  Skype...etc. http://vampirefreaks.com/_SAINT_ Hell yeah...

Love everyone, MADISON
 

Sorry, I enjoy smoking mint leaves...JK JK!